It is, once again, time for a bit of blog necromancy. And what better way to rise from the ruins than with an introduction to the upcoming game of limpwristed adventure and one-sided combat that is Frownies and Brownies?
Hewwo evewybody! Wewcome to the wowld of fwownies and bwownies, the game whew you command a fowce of the handsome and fwiendwy brownies against the eviw and nasty fwownies in skiwmish combat! I hope you awe aww vewy excited! Brownie Prehistory The Origins of the Brownie races remain shrouded in mystery, with only theories being offered up to account for their existence in the world of high adventure. While many claim them to be the offspring of a long dead fey god of the forest, myriad other theories abound as to the means and motives of their progenitor. For example, the Sequanese claim that the brownies were given form when a cold-hearted wizard, jilted by a halfling woman who was with child, placed a terrible curse on her, damning her offspring, and creating the template brownie from which all others are descended.
Incarceralian Shaman, meanwhile, claim that the Brownies were created after a great famine in their home country, as a way to ensure that the vicious predators that occupy the etbak would never again want for sustenance, diverting attention from its human residents and dwarven colonists and allowing them to establish the moderate level of civilization which exists in Incarcerallia today.
In any case, the first recorded encounter by a higher race with brownies comes from the memoirs of a goblin warlord named Haghuf Anklebiter. Haghuf was regarded as a "Untrustworthy git" by his fellows and had established for himself a reputation as being a double-dealing coward (even by the standards of other goblins). As such, few other goblins would follow his cause, despite the chemical incentives the mountainous regions of Sequan offered. Because of this, Haghuf saw his greatest fortune in his mass recruitment of snotlings to his banner. With his army assembled, Haghuf and his followers set off towards Peting and its promises of impossible riches and power.
A week into his campaign, he came upon an enclave of fairy folk nestled deep in the mountains of centeral Sequan, where he and his personal retinue of Snotling bodyguards and aides-de-camp were warmly welcolmed into the realm by a long forgotten brownie regent. In typical greenskin fashion, Haghuf strangled the Chieftan and all of his cronies, save for one, who escaped to tell his fellows of this "tewwibwy mean" act.
This was to ignite what the Orcs and Goblins record as "The war of the runts".
The war began with a Brownie counterattack on Haghufs assembled forces who occupied the main enterway to the brownie realm. Haghuf and the heir to the brownie realm, both being vastly incompetent as commanders both sent the full weight of their respective armies into the battle for the foyer. Snotling fought brownies and, in a single night of madness, all save for Haghuf himself were wiped out to the last, leaving the goblin chieftan to rule alone over his subterranean empire. Dwarven explorers later discovered the remains of Haghuf, who had apparently succumbed to boredom and his records, which were to form the basis of the extremly limited biological and cultural studies of the brownie race.
At some point in their prehistory, brownies made their way to the central eastern kingdom of Hinjia, searching for fame and glory beyond their wildest dreams. A week in, they stumbled upon a halfling death cult, which promptly enslaved them, tasking them with mining the deserts for the lost artifacts of their dark god. These halflings are remembered as innovators and to this day, many slavers search far and wide for brownie communities which they can cast into iron, brownies being preferable as slaves, as they will rarely, if ever run from their masters.
Having recieved word of the fate of the Hinjian pioneers, those brownies remaining in Sequan set about expanding their realm, hoping to avoid the same fate. A period of revolutionary innovation took place, with brownie intellectuals creating many ever-so useful items, many of which are now lost to time. The most prominent of the innovators is a brownie intewwectual remembered only as "Bwort" who invented the stwinger grenade, Stwinger-pelt armour, the Brownie attack cart and the brownie short spear. Sadly, Bwort met with a terrible fate at the age of 10 when he fell fifty feet from his experimental ornithopter and was killed, an event whose description continues to traumatize any and all brownies who hear of it.
At the height of Brownie power, one leader, Bwyan, came to rule above all others, establishing his empire on the border between Sequan and Hinjia. Bwyan bankrolled a golden age in brownie culture, with massive subsidies of stwingers being granted to promising young intewwectuals, giving rise to a professional class of brownies which exists to this day. One such fortunate brownie, Rowry Towphkin, set out to discover evidence of the Brownies former glories. What he found instead, was the seed of their damnation.
The Gweat Schism Rowry, in the course of his search, came upon an ancient cavern complex not far from Bwyans own great hall. As he cautiously advanced through a chamber revealed by some ill-fated halfling explorers who had previously sprung a hidden door and been crushed by it, he stumbled over a rock and fell to the ground, lying unconsious for several hours. When he came to, he saw before him a beat up, rusty horn. To a member of most any of the higher races, this would be ignored as scrap, but to a brownie, it was considered to be a monumentous find. Taking horn in hand, Rowry rushed back to his lord, presenting him with the sum of his accomplishments.
Having no knowledge of a horns proper function, Bwyan commended Rowry and had the horn mounted over his throne as a symbol of the high culture he had brought to his people. Rowry was to die penniless a few short years later, having never discovered anything of note beyond that horn.
Time went on, and the Brownies veneration of both Bwyan and the horn grew rapidly into a redemption cult which stipulated that, on the day of judgement, Bwyan would take horn in hand, and with it, smite the halfling gods down, leaving the brownies ancient enemies to wander in darkness for all of time. This myth grew so prevelent that eventually, Bwyan himself came to believe it, a fact which was absolutely critical in light of what was to soon transpire.
At the height of the Bwyanite empire, the halfling death cults of Hinjia recieved word from a self proclaimed prophet named Bungo Eastfarthing, that the time had come to place all the worlds brownies under their control, to be sacrificed to the dark god, Nodji. This revelation ignited a rush for war, and the halfling tribes of Hinja and the border regions poured into Sequan, with the aim of enslaving any and all brownies they came upon. It was only a matter of time before they found themselves at the house of Bwyan.
As the invaders poured into the foyer of Bwyans mountain palace, he knew that, barring a miracle, he, his followers and the civilization he had devoted his life to creating, would be wiped out. Eying the horn, Bwyan decided that this was a sure marker of judgement day and that the task laid out for his by his followers must be realized. He took the horn in hand and only then, as if by divine intervention, did he realize the proper function of the instrument. He blew a single deafening note and, amidst the chaos, a Djinn emerged from the horn. The Djinn, named Rejin'nyen, promised, in exchange for the worship and adoration of the brownies, that he would help them in casting out their ancient halfling rivals and preserve the gains of Brownie culture. Bwyan, faced with no other option as his peoples prophet, acquiesced and, with a gesture, Rejin'nyen destroyed the encroaching halfling army. The bwyanite brownies, it seemed, had been spared to expand their realm and raise themselves up to the level of the great races of Men, elves, Dwarves and Orcs.
A week later, a party of freelance adventurers consisting of a Human cleric, Dragonborn paladain and a halfling rogue set upon Bwyans palace, murdering him and his top advisors and taking for themselves the lamp. Those Brownies which remained, took this as a sign that they had offended their patron by their unwillingness to take that which was clearly their birthright. Almost overnight, the former house of Bwyan transformed itself into the first of many Fwownie temples, dedicated to the veneration of Rejin'nyen and the destruction of all other races in realization of the Brownies true destiny as singular rulers over all creation.
As brownies spread throughout the world, so to did the cult of the "Pwotectow" until such time as the Fwownies and their secular counterparts were almost equal in their numbers and abilites. Sadly, due to their religious division, the two factions were never able to establish anything even remotely resembling the greatness of the Bwyanite Empire.
Part two coming in 3 months or whenever I feel like it.
So...
